a modern light.

your breathing regulates. you sigh a note of contentment, the one you only make when you're asleep. you're so comfortable in my arms, and i can't help but feel like this will be the last time i'll ever get to hold you. i pull you closer, one hand tangled in your hair while the other traces words on your skin, "i don't want to lose you." but i daren't speak them. i know what you'd say, i have to go. this is my job, you know that. there are bigger things out there than you and me. and i know, oh god how i know. and i could never ask you to stay, even if that's all it took. just one word. stay. but that's never been my style and i suppose you'll find that out soon enough. i can feel your heart beat or is it mine? and i wish i could hold you like this forever, your weight on my chest, your body so trusting. instead i watch the clock, minutes pass and with each tick i prepare myself for the separation. i'd love to pretend it wasn't happening, but every beautiful breath reminds me of what i'll be missing. i only wonder, when the times comes, will you ask me to wait for you?

how does he smile? they ask and my cheeks are burning red.